For The Woman With Little to No Desire Who Knows That You and Your Partner Deserve the BEST Relationship Possible
Discover How To Actually Want Sex Again Without It Ever Feeling Like a Chore
ENROLL NOW →
Sexual desire doesn't just happen...
It is created one step at a time.
There are Legitimate Obstacles To Your Desire That Must Be Addressed if You Actually Expect to Get the Sex Life You (And Your Partner) Want!
Lacking Desire Kinda Sucks. Especially if you know that your partner is unhappy, right?!
And it can be confusing when the rest of your relationship basically works well. How can you love each other and be so good together, and yet struggle with SEX?
Which of these apply to you?
- You feel guilty over your lack of desire
- You worry about your partner's satisfaction with your sex life
- You want sex to be an easy and relaxed part of your relationship
- You're a great couple in so many other ways but struggle with sex and desire
- Your friends would have no idea that the two of you almost never have sex
- You want to feel as close, connected, and secure in your relationship as possible
- You are confused about your lack of interest. How you could struggle with lack of desire when it used to come so easily?
If this is you, I've got you! And if you’re like most of the women I work with, you want to want sex again...
...not just keep feeling like you're checking a box
Well, the reality is this:
- The health of our sex life has a direct impact on the health of our relationship.
- But sexual struggles are inevitable in every long term relationship...because things change, we age, stresses build, and that early spark doesn't last a lifetime.
How are you going to be able to maintain a satisfying sex life with your partner if you don't find a way to access your own desire again?
Whether you are young and totally in love, been together for a while and have a solid foundation (though maybe you just feel like best friends or even roommates), OR have spent a lifetime together full of love and respect...SEXUAL DESIRE DOES NOT JUST HAPPEN NATURALLY!
Think about it! You don’t look forward to going to the gym if you're tired or your knee hurts or you feel self-conscious in your gym clothes or you'd just rather just sleep, do you?
NO! Of course not! So why would you be surprised that you don't just go skipping off to the bedroom if it feels like work?
If you're doing this...
(Simply putting sex on the calendar OR balancing how long it's been against whether you can get away with saying no again) then...
You're treating sex like something you just have to get done...which increases your sense of obligation.
I mean... has it worked so far? If you’re like most women who come to start working with me, it’s very likely a “no.”
But this is all ok! Because you've been focusing on the wrong thing!
And changing your focus from just having sex (and then doing things you don't want to do) to actually wanting sex more gives you...
a sex life that delights both you AND your partner!
The irony is that by trying to make our partners happy, many of us are having sex that isn't fulfilling to either of us. And our partners are only getting more unhappy!
Here's the truth
A fun and easy sex life doesn't just create pleasure. It also:
Deepens intimacy between you and your partner, creating more connection!
Helps you ditch any sense of obligation or sex feeling like a chore!
Prevents RUPTURES in your relationship when your partner is unsatisfied!
Creates sex where you cannot fail! There's flexibility in how you can be intimate.
And... it does all of this for you without YOU having do things you don't want to do!
The #1 Mistake Women With Little to No Libido Keep Making
When women struggle with lack of desire, they think something is wrong with them.
They feel guilty that their partner isn't getting their needs met. They feel broken.
It feels like it's all on you. Like you're the problem. And it's on you to fix it.
And if this is you, you already know what a burden this is. The guilt. The shame. The despair. The confusion. And even the resentment that can come from feeling like you're the problem.
And you already know that feeling bad about yourself does NOT help you want to have sex.
Or Worse! Mistake #2…
You'll just do it for your partner. You'll show up and just try to have sex, to check that box. You're thinking, "I care about them. I can do this for them." (It starts with good intentions.)
But eventually, you'll start to avoid it. You come to dread Sunday morning if that's when you scheduled it. You'll stop looking forward to date night because you know they're hoping for sex.
That's like going on picnics but never packing anything in the basket for yourself!
It's going to get to the point where you can't stand going on another picnic.
Just working on communication DOESN'T work! Other low desire women recognize that their desire for sex (or lack thereof) is the cause of their unfulfilling sex life, so they decide they just need to learn better communication skills.
But the reality is, getting better at talking about the problem doesn’t make it go away! While those skills are important, they don't do anything to help you actually want sex!
Don’t you think learning some "I language" and other communication tools is just a little too good to be true?
In fact, until you FACE the desire problem you have head on, that problem is never going to go away.
And after 11 years of helping clients in my sex therapy practice and writing my book to help even more, it’s as clear and simple as this:
Actually Wanting Sex is the Only Way to Create a Strong Sex Life
Your sex life NEEDS your desire and your enjoyment. You and your partner DESERVE a strong intimate connection!
How else are you going to feel as close and connected as you know you can if you can’t connect in the bedroom?!
But when you keep experiencing sex as a chore (or worse, something to be avoided), you and your partner never get to SHARE sex as a strength in your relationship! Instead, it saps the strength out of it. It casts a dark shadow over all the other pieces that work so well. Heck! It can even crack the foundation of your security!
What happens when more time goes by and sex is just stressful?
Or you go weeks, months, or years without sex that feels connecting?
What then? The elephant in the room just gets bigger. Choking out the joy and the laughter and the affection.
But when you LEARN and MASTER the skills of accessing your desire, you can enjoy a sex life that feels easy and light! You can think about everything else since you no longer have to waste your energy with worry, guilt, and fear.
but i get it...
You're Struggling With Lack of Desire
and thinking there's nothing to do about it...
Well, you may be right!
MOST struggling couples exist like this for years, sometimes seeming fine (at least from the outside). But do you really want to wait until it's THAT BAD? Do you want to wait until it might be too late?
Of course not! And no problem just magically goes away while we pretend it isn't there, right?
It is so easy to tell yourself it's okay. To say, "We'll deal with this when the kids get a little older." Or, "Once I'm done with this stressful project at work, I'll have more energy for sex."
Or even, "Maybe my partner will just get used to this and let it go."
Are you as close and connected with your partner as you can be? What is happening under the surface of your relationship? How long can your partner go on without a strong intimate relationship with you?
Do you really want a life where the two of you have this stressful, awkward wall between you?
So What’s More Important?
...that you do *EVERYTHING* you can do to make your relationship totally solid, secure, and connected...
OR that you stay in your comfort zone and keep putting it off, hoping it will change, or pretending like it's all okay?
You want MORE happiness, not less, right?
The reality is, the strength of your sex life has a direct impact on the strength of your relationship! The impact of your lack of desire is like a hairline fracture in a beautiful vase!
So, now that you see just how vital your intimate connection is to your relationship, you may begin to feel the slightly daunting and mysterious task of actually improving it...
AVOIDING SEX INCREASES THE PRESSURE YOU FEEL
Do you currently suffer from the "I Could Go My Whole Life Without Sex" Syndrome?
If you’re like most who have read this far, you’re starting to see the importance of a thriving sex life and what it will do to the overall strength and connection of your relationship... but you’re probably imagining yourself facing bedtime while you ask yourself,
“Am I just back here again, needing to have sex so my partner can be happy?!”
Do I just have to give in to the pressure? Is this going to be stressful for the rest of our lives? Do I really have to think about this all the time?!
It can be so daunting and discouraging that you avoid it, looking for other ways to stay busy and distracted in your life. And I get it.
But here's a little 'Insider Secret' for you:
Getting the relationship you want doesn't mean you need to do things you don't want to do...it means you need to stop doing that!
You see, every time you participate in sex that you don't really want, you reinforce sex as a chore. As an obligation. And this will kill your desire. And if you keep this up long enough, you will hit a wall where you just can't make yourself do it anymore.
So, it's a little like a riddle:
What are you supposed to do if you don't want sex yet aren't supposed to do things you don't want to do?
Find. Things. You. Want.
What you enjoy MATTERS. You can remove (or adapt to) any obstacles to your desire, and then you can build a sex life that honors and includes what you find engaging and what you enjoy!
So, what if you had a step-by-step way to find those obstacles? What if you had a process for discovering what would make sex engaging for you?
Imagine if you had a way to share sex with your partner where you could never fail... EVEN if you haven't felt desire in a long time!
No more guilt!
No more pressure!
No more sex out of obligation!
No more need to avoid it!
“LIFE CHANGING FOR US!"
“This program took our sex life to the next level. We're in a significantly better place as a couple! This year we added 'Jessa' to our family tradition Thanksgiving tree because we're so grateful we found you.”
this is fixable
Imagine for just a moment
...that you looked forward to bedtime (instead of that awkward tension and open question of maybe tonight)...
...you and partner share a genuine, knowing smile with each other when a sex scene comes on TV (instead of that cringe because of the elephant in the room)...
...the two of you can be playful and flirtatious in the kitchen (without that fear that it might lead to more)...
...You could have the closeness and connection that comes from a strong sex life just 60 days from RIGHT NOW!
Wouldn’t that be nice?
Well, you don’t have to “imagine” any longer. Because... it’s here.
The Desire Spa™
The Simple Step-by-Step Women Only Online Course for finding your sexual desire again, or your money back!
- Detailed Training That Guides You Through the Process of Identifying and Eliminating Barriers to Desire!
- Journal Questions and Activities for Understanding What's Held you Back and What Lets Your Desire Emerge!
- Action Steps to Discover, Honor, and Empower What Would Make Sex Engaging for You!
- A Completely New Approach to Sex and Desire That Means There is No Failure!
Here's what you'll learn
See what's waiting for you when you become a member
Learn exactly why you're stuck and how to approach sex so you cannot fail
Soak: A Whole New Paradigm
The first step in the journey is to relax and take stock! You'll immerse yourself in a vision of sex and intimacy that is likely completely different than what you've been taught to expect.
Inside the Desire Spa, you'll understand what's make sexual desire so difficult, and you'll bust the myths and expectations that set you up to feel like you're failing! We're creating an entirely new foundation for your sex life.
Imagine how much easier it will be to put effort into your sex life and sexual desire once you know that it's achievable!
THE TRUTH ABOUT SEX AND DESIRE
- The secret to busting through the barriers to your desire
- How to access desire when you're not in the mood
- The truth about the top 6 myths about sex that almost everyone believes
- The most important thing for you that creates desire
Examine Expectations and Experiences to Discern What to Keep and What to Release
Scrub: Release What Doesn't Serve You
Release what isn't working! All of us bring our past into our relationships. Our family upbringing, our religious training, our sexual experiences, and our past relationships. Is it all helpful to us in the current moment?! No! In this section...
I’LL REVEAL THE INVISIBLE ELEMENTS BENEATH THE SURFACE THAT SUPPORT YOUR DESIRE FOR SEX AND INTIMACY
- THE REAL TRUTH ABOUT DESIRE DISCREPANCY
and how it makes both you and your partner feel bad when it doesn't have to
- HOW THE PAST IS HOLDING YOUR BACK
and how to choose what parts still serve you and what parts you can release
- THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU NEED TO CHANGE
in order to make sex something to look forward to
- THE SECRET TO TRANSFORMING YOUR DYNAMIC AROUND SEX
and it’s easier than you think!
Make change using real world activities and exercises
Massage: Putting it Into Practice
“It’s Not Enough to Change How You Think About Sex… it’s Gotta Be Applied in Real Life, Right?!”
Change does not happen from insight alone. We also have to learn to behave differently, to do things differently. That's the beauty of the Desire Spa - you get real world activities and exercises to implement everything you learn!
Think about it! Do you learn to ride a bike by reading about it? Journaling about it? No! You need a plan to bring this knowledge into your reality!
That's why we've given you real world steps to take to solidify the changes you want to make.
Do you want to get part way through and then stop right before you're about to have a breakthrough? Of course not!
So how do you put these ideas into practice in your actual life? In your actual relationship?!
- The 3 most powerful communication skills you can use to tackle difficult topics
- The most efffective ways to overcome the obstacles that block your desire
- The most important thing no one told you about the upside of being selfish
- How to say no and see it as something to celebrate
This is great, but...
What if there's a lot going on my life right now?
This is about the time where you might be saying, “We have some big stuff going on (or our kids are right in the middle of baseball season or my partner is working hard trying to get that promotion)... Shouldn’t I focus on that first?" NO.
The Time Is Never Right, and the Best Time Is Now!
There will always be reasons to put off dealing with the issues in your sex life. There's always something that can seem more important. You may be thinking, "But maybe once X, Y, and Z happen, it'll be easier." Sound familiar?
...but isn't this exactly how the elephant showed up the room?!
I don't want you to live even one more day burdened by the guilt, the worry, the stress, the pressure, and the distance with your partner. Every day that goes by like this is eroding the strength of your relationship.
...avoiding this is actually making it worse. and WAY more stressful!
Don't keep putting this off
So Let Me Help You Decide To Invest In Your Relationship
If you were going to come to an in person workshop with me to learn these exact same strategies, you'd pay close to $5000. Even my clients in my sex therapy practice pay over $200 per hour to get the same information.
When You Enroll in The Desire Spa, You’re Getting The Culmination of More Than a Decade of Sex Therapy Experience With Hundreds of Couples!
THE MONEY BACK GUARANTEE
That Lets You Sleep Easily At Night!
The fact that you’re reading this section means you already know giving your sex life some attention will improve your relationship, but perhaps you still have a bit of doubt. Hesitation. Risk. I get it. Like…
"This sounds too good to be true! How am I supposed to know this is really what I need?”
Well… that’s simple. Try it.
Test-Drive The Program for 30 Days
When you enroll, you’ll have 30 days to go through EVERYTHING inside the program, and if for whatever reason… and I mean ANY reason… if you don’t feel like this was the best investment you’ve made into making your sex life fun, easy, and engaging, simply email us at [email protected] and we’ll gladly refund your entire investment… no questions asked!
And there is more!
When you enroll, you'll also get these awesome bonuses:
The Partner Participation Power Pack
Imagine just how much easier it will be to improve your sex life and desire when your partner realizes they have work to do, too! In fact, they have A LOT to do with taking the pressure off your sex life. That's why I'm including this entire set of materials for you to share with them:
- THE SECRET TO TALKING ABOUT SEX without making things worse!
- THE EXACT CONVERSATON THAT WILL GET YOUR PARTNER ON BOARD to make changes with you and for you!
- HOW TO REMOVE THE PRESSURE FROM YOUR SEX LIFE by changing these 3 behaviors.
- THE SINGLE MOST POWERFUL ACTIVITY YOU CAN DO TOGETHER to make it easy to look forward to sex!
The Emotional Intimacy Bonus Bundle
What if I gathered up all kinds of activities that build emotional intimacy and connection for you? That’s exactly what we’ve done with this $997 gift... yours free!
My team and I have spent weeks collecting the best and most creative conversations, activities, and exercises and have put them together in this bonus bundle for you and your partner!
- The Ultimate Conversational Prompts
No more wondering what to talk about that isn't the kids, the weather, or the job!
- Romance, Romance, Romance
We've gathered ideas for date night, romantic movies, and thoughtful gestures!
- Go deeper with these exercises
Use these tools to explore your values and vision
"WE ARE FREE!"
”Taking this course has transformed the way we think about intimacy. We are now able to enjoy each other without putting pressure on ourselves. Connection is now the main goal over a physical outcome. We think of our intimate time together as play now. We are no longer trapped in a cage we built with our own hands.”
“I'M LIKE, LET'S GO!”
“I'd had massive guilt around the fact that it was my body that was the problem. I was the reason we couldn't have sex. Even a kiss could lead to a request for sex, but I had such incredible pain. This is such a huge weight off of me, truly a f&#@$ing breakthrough, to find new ways to be sexy together!"
And if you don't want to do this all on your own
Enhance your experience by adding the extra support available with VIP Access!
You might have questions. You might want to connect with other women on the same journey. And you might want to benefit from my input and guidance about your particular situation.
When You Enroll in The Desire Spa Deluxe Package, You Have Support on Your Journey!
We'll have Support Circle meetings at least three times a month, and you'll be able to show up live and ask questions and get help OR submit questions in advance and watch the recordings later. You'll get 3 months of direct Voxer support where you can send your recorded questions and get personal responses. You'll also have lifetime access to a private, 24/7 community for even more support.
you'll receive instant access
So, Let's Recap
When you join The Desire Spa, you'll receive instant access to everything you need to WANT SEX AGAIN so you can feel totally close, connected, and secure in your relationship! Including...
- The Essential Training Modules every woman needs in order to want sex again!
- Journal prompts for each step of the process to apply the ideas in your life!
- Real World Exercises and Action Steps for creating lasting transformation!
- The Complete Partner Participation Power Pack so your partner will join you as a teammate and ally in this process.
- Emotional Intimacy Building Conversations and Activities to make sure we're not just focusing on sex at the exclusion of your emotional connection.
- And If You Select the Deluxe Package, 3 Months of Group Coaching and lifetime access to a private community.
- And much, more more!
Deciding to improve your sex life is aimed at one thing:
Creating Your Best Possible Relationship
Think about it! Every great change or transformation you’ve experienced ALWAYS began with a DECISION. Have you ever considered that one of the biggest reasons your sex life is struggling is because you have been unable to make a decision and BACK that decision with committed action?!
I want to give you the opportunity to CHOOSE! Choose to solve this problem or not. Choose to let more time go by - with more hard feelings for both you AND your partner - or...
...Choose to tackle this head on as an investment in your own well-being and the strength of your relationship!
But if you put this off, what will change? Don’t wait! You can get started today!
Join Now & Create The Fun and Easy Sex Life Your Relationship Deserves!ENROLL NOW →
“FOR NORMAL PEOPLE WHO WANT SEX TO BE EASY!"
“i was looking for something like this for years. I tried all kinds of things, from woo-woo tantra stuff to run of the mill programs. Yours is so different. The whole system works. It gave me actual steps to take to make easy wins, and it made it easy to talk to my partner and work with him to create a positive cycle.”
This is for you if:
- You want the very best relationship with your partner that you can have
- You feel guilty that you don’t want sex (or not much) and your partner isn’t getting their needs met
- You're tired of always feeling like it’s on you, like you’re the problem
This is not for you if:
- Your relationship needs a lot of work before you can even address sex
- You don't care about whether your partner is happy or not
- You aren't willing to put in the work to improve your relationship
Frequently Asked Questions
What makes students who have taken the course successful?
Shouldn't sex be natural if you're with the right person?
I'm struggling with (insert: pain, sexual dysfunction, chronic illness). Will this course work for me?
Is this course only for women?
How much time will it take to complete the course?
What can I expect when I join?
Can I get a refund if I'm not happy?
How long do I have access to the course?
I'm here to help
My Name is Jessa
I help women who long to share a great sex life with their partner, but who find themselves feeling distant, disconnected, anxious or at odds about sex instead because they've struggled with little to no sexual desire.
I’ve taken everything I’ve learned as an AASECT certified sex therapist and the experiences I’ve had working with hundreds and hundreds of couples over the years to craft a program to help you transform your sex life into something you both look forward to.
The Desire Spa is not just a description of the problem and what’s got you stuck; it’s an implementation program that walks you through a process where you can change your experience.
Yes, you’ll learn about myths and mindsets that will reframe sex for you, but you’ll also go through a step by step process to have the conversations that matter, to identify what you each need to change, and to practice these changes so they become integrated into your sex life.
The end result: ease and joy in your sex life that will help you adapt to any challenges you face now or in the future.
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